Losing a family member is never easy, that is why it took me so long to write this post despite the fact I wanted it out over a week ago. On February 11th, 2015 one of my aunts passed away due to cancer. While she may have been “only” an aunt she was someone who had made a big difference in my life. When my birth mother died she was the one who tracked me down using social media and what little she knew about me. She cared deeply about those she knew and despite the fact that I only met her in person once I would not have had the chance to meet my birth father or brothers if it had not been for her.
Ms. Squirrel has been a huge help during this time and although I do wish she would have come over the night I found out she is an amazing girlfriend. It just would have helped to have her there to talk to and hold.
Having my aunt live in Las Vegas while the rest of my birth family is on the other side of the country made it feel too uncomfortable to go down to see my uncle afterwards (the rest of my birth family can’t afford to travel and doesn’t enjoy it). I might have gone if Ms. Squirrel wasn’t in school and could have gone with me. I feel bad for not going but I don’t know how I would have handled that situation. I hope my aunt, no matter where she is now, understands.
Why Do I Write? I Write For Me…
I often get asked the question why I write. I am sure that part of this question stems from the fact that I didn’t major in writing. I did take a fair amount of writing classes and spent a fair amount of my classes that I took for my major writing. Almost all the time I expect people to want a complicated answer but my answer is simple.
I write for me. I don’t write for anyone else although I have recently found more enjoyment in having other people read my work it is still for me.
For most people reading takes them to a new world and to a certain extent it does that for me too. But writing makes me feel like I am living in the world that I am writing. It is the perfect release from a stressful day or to just escape from the world.
This is a post that I have written about before on the original blog but I had the same dream again and wanted to write about it. Because I had the dream this morning Monday’s post will be rescheduled to later this week. There will also be a bonus post this week about something that happened last week. I am just trying to figure out how to write it. Without further ado though lets talk about the dreams.
I love the traditional nightmare. There is something about a crashing plane or a monster in a dream, they can be conquered. Or at least enjoyed for the fiction. For me a nightmare is a dream that happens relating to reality that you can’t fix. A while ago a long standing friend (over 5 years) stopped being my friend. Since then I have a reacquiring dream where we become friends again. I think the impossibility of the dream is what makes it hurt so much. I stopped doing a hobby that I love for the person I had the dream about.
This person and I were friends but we both liked each other more than that. The thing is I have Ms. Squirrel and at this point in my life I don’t want her back as anything more than a friend. But alas I don’t think that shall ever happen. I miss my friend.
So for my first topic on the new blog I figured I would talk about my ADHD for those who don’t already know about it. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in elementary school but my parents hid it from me (more to come on that in a later post). I went to a new doctor in my senior year of college. When I explained to the doctor that I had trouble concentrating and had small bouts of depression they set me up to speak with their on-staff counselor. We sat and talked and he had me fill out a depression/ADHD/ADD checklist/question list. The next time I came in both him and my doctor had analyzed the information. They determined that instead of having depression (which is what I thought I had) I in fact had what the doctor called full spectrum ADHD. She explained that that meant that I felt symptoms that people with different kinds of ADHD feel combined. Some of the things she said the ADHD explained are:
- Having Trouble with Social Cues
- And More…
For a while I took medication for my ADHD despite my parents insistence that I don’t. Eventually I stopped for two reasons: 1) the monthly cost was around $50 and 2) some of the jobs I am interested in getting require you to not be on ADHD medication until after you are hired. So despite being off Adderall for over a year I am still learning to cope with the symptoms of ADHD.
I plan to talk more about my ADHD in future posts. If you have questions or comments please feel free to leave them below or to email me.
Images in this post are used under the creative commons license: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/legalcode
No Changes Were Made
Well it’s simple, I picked the squirrel because I have AD… Oh look there goes a squirrel… I mean ADHD and cane be easily distracted (and entertained. This blog was also originally created to be a place separate from my professional life so I wanted to, for now, keep it anonymous as possible. I also think squirrels are cute little creature. Don’t you agree?
A while ago I started a WordPress blog known as OneWorldAway. It was about my thoughts and feelings and some randoms stuff. When I started it I actually saw a great number of visitors in a short period of time and had fun writing it. Then I got really busy with work.
Now I want to bring it back. I decided I was going to give it a new name and make it self hosted a long with a number of other domains I own. Hence the birth of This Mind of Mine. This Mind of Mine is to be a personal blog where I can post whatever I want to. It is going to be disconnected with all of the other blogging and work I do and for now I shall be known as Mr. Squirrel. Read my next post to find out why!